Loving-kindness Meditation or Metta (Maitri) Bhavana
Silent Sitting
" Friendliness "
Metta meditation is about developing ‘friendliness’ or loving-kindness towards yourself and others. Metta (in Pali) or Maitri (in Sanskrit) means unattached and unconditional friendliness or, loving kindness. Bhavana (in Pali & Sanskrit) means ‘development’ or ‘cultivating’.
Have you ever realised that when you are in a grumpy mood your understanding is quite limited and narrow? Then when you are happy it is easy to understand. It’s easy to listen. It’s easy to consider things objectively. Actually, it is much easier to feel kind and friendly when we are happy. Meditating on loving-kindness you actively cultivate a healthier emotional state of mind.
What is unique about this meditation technique is that we start by being friendly to ourselves first. If we want to be friendly to others, first we must be friends with ourselves.
As with anything else, you may feel its hard at the beginning. There’ll be times where you may find it very easy and enjoyable and other times you may get negative emotions or feelings. i.e., you may react positively and at times negatively. Just remind yourself that these are just ‘thoughts’ that’ll pass. So, watch out for these reactions and try not to follow them. Bring your attention back to loving-kindness! Be patient and no matter what, keep developing the Metta as best as you can.
There are 5 stages:
Stage 1: develop loving kindness and friendliness towards yourself.
Stage 2: develop Metta towards a friend.
Stage 3: develop Metta towards someone who is emotionally neutral to you
Stage 4: develop Metta towards someone who you find it difficult to relate to
Stage 5: develop Metta towards everyone and radiate Metta outwards to the whole world
Variations: Once you have practiced the 5 stages and comfortable with developing Metta, you can try-out variations.
Stage 1: develop loving kindness and friendliness towards yourself.
Take the posture you like since this meditation can be done in any posture (sitting/ lying down/walking/standing) and settle down collecting your thoughts. Then, connect with yourself and generate friendliness and kindness towards yourself. Keep your attention/focus as much as you can on this feeling. Repeat the following phrases sincerely and consider their meaning rather than repeating them automatically. Get some positive emotions flowing… once your Metta starts getting stronger, concentrate on this with your whole heart and with your whole mind, focus upon it! The more you concentrate the stronger it gets and over time it’ll get naturally stronger without much effort.
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May I be well – reflect a time you felt well. Consciously feel it. E.g., time you felt well again after recovering from sickness
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May I be happy – reflect a time you were happy or reflect on a mental image that makes you happy. Consciously feel it. E.g., perhaps a beautiful pink rose opening its petals.
Its best if happiness is tied to nature rather than material things such as “buying a new TV”. -
May I be peaceful – reflect a time you felt peaceful. Consciously feel it. E.g., a time you were quietly gazing into a beautiful lake or into stars on a quiet beautiful night
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May I be loved – reflect a time you felt loved may be by a pet or someone. Consciously feel it.
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May I be free of suffering – reflect a time you had to suffer for some reason and when you overcame that. Consciously feel it.
Stage 2: develop Metta towards a friend
Now, we shift our attention and develop Metta towards a good friend of yours. (tip: try not to chose someone with a parental, sibling or intimate feelings that you may have). Imagine this person in your mind or get a general impression about this person. Identify these feelings and no matter what they may be, honestly generate strong friendliness towards her/him as best as you can. Doesn’t matter how you do this but do so strongly, consistently, and steadily as best as you can.
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May she/he be well
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May she/he be happy
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May she/he be peaceful
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May she/he be loved
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May she/be free of suffering
If you notice your mind has drifted away, bring it back and focus upon the ‘friendliness’ feeling again and again…
Stage 3: develop Metta towards someone who is emotionally neutral to you
Imagine someone whom you have no particular feeling. You don’t either like or dislike them. May be someone you see but never speak to or someone whom you hardly see. E.g., postman, teller at the bank or supermarket counter. Focus on one of these people and see what you feel towards him/her. You may feel nothing since you don’t know this person. Keep concentrating on the impression of this person. Identify these feelings and no matter what they may be, honestly generate strong friendliness towards them as best as you can. Doesn’t matter how you do this but do so strongly, consistently, and steadily as best as you can.
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May she/he be well
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May she/he be happy
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May she/he be peaceful
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May she/he be loved
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May she/he be free of suffering
If you notice your mind has drifted away, bring it back and focus upon the ‘friendliness’ feeling again and again…
Stage 4: develop Metta towards someone who you find it difficult to relate to
In this stage, we try and develop Metta towards a difficult person. i.e., someone whom you are not getting on with. Someone who you rather dislike or you think he/she dislikes you. Focus on this person and identify your actual feeling towards him/her. Try not to let any assumptions or animosity get in the way. Let go of these and then develop a fresh response such as understanding, kind and compassionate feelings. Though you find hard to get along with this person now, things may change… So empathise with them and try to put yourself in their place and see. Here you can clarify your negative feelings towards them and try to drop let go from your side any negative feelings. This is not to say that you accept the wrong they’ve done but let go of it rather than dwell in it and not to get caught up in any feelings of hatred. So, remember that the whole point of this exercise is to generate loving kindness!
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May she/he be well
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May she/he be happy
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May she/he be peaceful
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May she/he be loved
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May she/he be free of suffering
If you notice your mind has drifted away, bring it back and focus upon the ‘friendliness’ feeling again and again…
Stage 5: develop Metta towards everyone and radiate Metta outwards to the whole world
Then we come to the final stage of this exercise. Focus on all these 4 people (mentioned above) together and develop Metta equally towards each of them. Perhaps imagine they all are sitting around you and, work to develop and equalise your empathy, kindness, and friendliness. This could be really hard and actually needs quite a lot of practice. So, start simple - start by imagining that your Metta flowing equally to each person with no analysis or comparison. Then we allow the feeling of Metta to flow freely outwards, beyond us and beyond the above group of people. We send it out to the whole world.
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May they be well
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May they be happy
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May they be peaceful
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May they be loved
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May they be free of suffering
AND
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May all beings be well
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May all beings be happy
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May all beings be peaceful
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May all beings be loved
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May all beings be free of suffering
If you notice your mind has drifted away, bring it back and focus upon the ‘friendliness’ feeling again and again…
Variations
Ten Directions
Develop Metta towards all beings in the 10 directions. Remember, you always start Metta Bhavana by developing Metta to yourself first. Then:
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North direction - may all beings in North be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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North-East direction - may all beings in North-East be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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East direction - may all beings in East be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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South-East direction - may all beings in South-East be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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South direction - may all beings in South be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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South-West direction - may all beings in South-West be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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West direction - may all beings in West be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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North-West direction - may all beings in North-West be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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Above you - may all beings above me be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
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Below you - may all beings below me be well/happy/peaceful/loved/free of suffering
Expanding circles
Begin by developing loving-kindness and friendliness to yourself and start expanding the friendliness in an ever increasing circle to include everyone:
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Yourself: may I be…
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in the room where you are if there are others with you: may he/she or they be…
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in the house: may they be…
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in close family and friends: may they be…
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in the community: may they be…
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in the village: may they be…
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in the city: may they be…
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in the region: may they be…
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in the country: may they be…
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in the whole world: may they be…
This would include all humans, animals or whatever being in existence and try to imagine their lives and sincerely wish them happiness towards them. You can even extend this friendliness beyond the world to the universe. We are using our imagination to expand our friendliness with humanity and beyond all conceivable limits. Beyond even what we can imagine…
